I tried a cleanse.
It was awful.
Living in the 21st century, I’m sure you know what a cleanse is. But in case you don’t, I’ll explain.
A cleanse is seen as a way to quote unquote remove “toxins” and excess water from your body, while likely jump-starting a much more sensible diet and exercise routine. It’s usually done by ingesting copious amounts of something liquidy and disappointing, while avoiding delicious, delicious solid foods.
Yet every time I hear the word “cleanse”, the first image that springs to mind is this:
In spite of visions of projectile split-pea soup dancing through my head, I decided to give a cleanse a try, since I’d (surprisingly) never attempted one in my 30 years on this earth. Now, I know I can happily go another 30 without attempting again.
Since I was still recovering from one carbohydrate-holiday hangover whilst about to dive into round two of Christmas cookies, I decided it was as good a time as any for a mini-cleanse.
Now, to pick one.
There was no way I was going full-Beyonce and guzzling a lemon and cayenne pepper-infused maple syrup nightmare for two weeks straight. Not happening. (It’s called the Master Cleanse, and it’s totally a thing. Look it up). So I opted for a three day juice cleanse instead, which included a listing of approved fruit and “green” juices that you can make yourself.
Here’s the “menu” of the one I chose:
Wake up: Drink hot lemon water
Breakfast: Drink approved juice
Mid-morning: Drink coconut water
Lunch: Drink approved juice
Afternoon Snack: Drink approved juice
Dinner: Drink approved juice
Dessert: Drink approved juice
Bedtime: Drink herbal tea
The verdict? By “Afternoon Snack” time on Day 1, I was already ready to crack, and my stomach felt like it was about to self-destruct. By “Dessert Time” on Day 1, I was already sneaking baby carrots. My God, what a weird kind of twilight zone to view vegetables as a guilty pleasure. By Breakfast of Day 2, I had already completely caved. Will power, POOF! I was chowing down on the best-tasting eggs I’d ever eaten in my life.
I don’t know that I achieved anything significant, but I did learn two important lessons I’d like to share with you on this Try It Tuesday.
First of all, don’t start a cleanse when running on three hours of sleep like this genius did. It heightens the cranky factor tenfold. I’m fairly certain I yelled at more inanimate objects for “being in my way” than I ever have at any other point in my life. I’m not proud of it. But I suppose the bright side was the fact that the only thing keeping me awake during the day was the excessive growling in my stomach.
Secondly, writing becomes more difficult during a cleanse, so careful concentration is necessary. Otherwise all your descriptions start sounding like burritos. Seriously, when you start using words like “melted”, “delicious”, and “savory” to describe a tree, you know there’s a problem.
This post is perhaps much like a cleanse itself, lacking substance and leaving you hungry for more. But that’s about all I’ve got for today, folks.
Happy Try It Tuesday!
Until next time,